Tag Archives: Living Abroad

Many Indians abroad dating exclusively whites only!

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19:19 Me
Are u okay if I use this ‘chat’ for a blog post…a post on ‘Some Indians abroad dating whites only’ ?

19:19 Neelam
No, not really! Plz!

19:20 Me
my loss :(

19:20 Neelam
haha….sorry

19:21 Me
:(

19:21 Neelam
may be..you can change the name and place…a little

19:21 Me
I should do that.
Why though?

19:22 Neelam
haha I don’t need publicity..or hate mails…lol

19:22 Me
okay cool, thanks

19:23 Neelam
haha np

…………

“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” said Shakespeare.

A friendly warning: take this post with a grain of salt, if you get indigestion from racial mix and deviations from the social norms. :)

Well, looks like you decided to read on! The ‘chat’ above is the ending portion of the conversation below.

Now, what the heck am I talking about? :)

Luckily or unluckily, I ran into someone online, someone who is a part of this ummm … trend! This ‘chat’ on the social network site is a quick glimpse into the psyche of the new desi generation abroad.

The ‘chat’ spans over multiple sessions, you may notice from the time-stamps. The mundane conversation started something like this:

15:19 Neelam
hi

15:20 Me
Hello Neelam, how r u?

15:20 Neelam
haha gud, n u? Continue reading →

Your pay depends on where you live in USA

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U.S. Bureau of Labor Statistics: Comparisons of pay between metropolitan areas in 2009

This should come as a no surprise – your earnings from the same job or occupation can vary significantly, even within the same country. Based on a report from the Bureau of Labor Statistics of the U.S. Department of Labor, your pay depends on where you live and work in America.

The variations are quite noticeable from city to city. For example, the average pay for a civilian workers in the San Jose-San Francisco-Oakland, CA metropolitan area was 20 percent above the national average in 2009.

This National Compensation Survey (NCS) study includes 77 different metropolitan areas. The chart below is a pictorial view of the pay relation for some of the cities across USA. In this survey, the term ‘pay’ includes all the wages, salaries, commissions, and production bonuses.


Continue reading →

The night before Babbu’s wedding

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Loud music, louder conversations, noisy kids running all over – it is a complete chaos. It seems like everybody is lost in the moment. Older ladies are sitting together next to the kitchen, sorting out the sweets and chit-chatting; the older men are sitting nearby – having their own small-talk and sipping on tea.

The younger generation is all mingled up. Some are bare feet, and  some are testing their newly bought shoes on the dance floor in the basement, with Kesha’s ‘Tick Tock’ song blaring loud. Every now and then, a car pulls up to the front of the house with neatly trimmed landscape, dropping off new guests.

Tomorrow is a big day for the Gill family. Their only son Babbu is getting married. By the time the sun touched the western horizon, the house is all packed full. The guests from as far as India, London and Vancouver have flown in, all excited for the special day.

Their house in Brampton is a short drive from the Toronto airport. Raj – Babbu’s cousin, has been to the airport three times already, picking up the relatives as they arrive. He is most excited about the fourth trip, however. He is going to receive his three cousins from England, whom he has not seen for a long time.

Around 8PM, a black stretched limousine pulls to the front of the house. It is part of the last minute planned party for the groom and his passé. One last night, he is going to enjoy his single life before being shackled down into the married life. The limo driver steps outside the driver seat; polishes the already clean windshield with black cloth, like a ritual. Then he lights up a cigarette, while some of the elders watch him with a look of disapproval.

The groom and his passé of five friends and cousins finally start to get inside the limo. In the mean time, Raj also comes back from the airport, speeding all the way to the driveway; his three cousins jump out of of his car in no time. Everybody, including those inside the limo, rush over to greet them. There are hugs, there are hi-fives; there is loud laughter. After a quick exchange of greetings, Babbu and his passé run back to the limo; Raj and the three well-dress cousins with British accent follow them.

Finally, a little bit after 9PM, the limo drives off for a night-out on the town. All of them, ten of them all together, are bubbling with excitement.

“Can you take us to the liquor store, please”, someone shouts at the limo driver.
“Okay boss”, the limo driver shouts back.
“Where are we going”, asks Bobby, one of the cousins from England.
“Downtown”, many of them respond back, one after another.
“Downtown where?”….

Everybody tries to speak louder than the rest, as if fighting to have their say. The limo get to the liquor store. Raju and Babbu jump out, followed by everybody else. No one wants to be left behind, it seems.
“Get some Black Label.”
“We need beer”
“Something for shots.”
“Sambuca” … Continue reading →

The hidden social classes abroad – the Fabs, the FOBs, the ABCD

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You think you left the social class system back home, when you left India? Think again! :)

Perhaps, classes are part of our social life. May be this is how society works – one group of people trying to put down the other group while struggling to prove its own superiority.

The Indian society in the foreign lands has its own social classes, its own divisions. From outside, these divisions are not very visible, not very noticeable. This should come as a no surprise to those who have lived abroad amongst other Indians. You may see these partitions less if you are very isolated from rest of the Indian society overseas.

These classes are not based on your last name, cast or creed. Rather, the division is based on your social acceptance among the Indian diaspora. This somewhat hidden division is less visible an outsider – those who are not Indians or not a part of Indian community.

These classes or groups have their own way of looking across this social division. The locals – those who grow up abroad among the foreign culture, have their derogatory term for these new comers: FOBs. Similarly, first generation desis and these new-comers have their own name for the local Indians – ABCD. By end of the day, it boils down to how you look across the pond.

The ABCD:
This class or subgroup comes from the westernized desi society, mainly the second generation of Indians. This social group is much more in-tune with the local (the foreign adopted country) ways of living – their language, the slang and the dress-code follows the local trends. Their life-style is less desi or Indian, and much closer to the western ways of life.

This self-styled ‘cool’ group of Indians is mostly born and raised abroad. They are much more adapted to the society of the adopted country and the local ways of life. They often have a social circle of their own. Continue reading →

After-school daycare

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The daycare facility closes at 6PM. It was already 5:20PM, and the traffic is stop-and-go. His GPS navigation system estimated ‘the destination arrival time’ of 5:40.
“I will make it”, he said out loud, to himself.
“Come on, keep moving! My daughter is waiting for me!” As if the cars in front of him could hear him.
He had recently read somewhere that speaking English more often helps with improving the English accent. Instead of Hindi, he now tries to speak English as much as he can, even when he is alone.

“I don’t wanna go to the daycare after school”, she had told her mom again last night.
“We will pick you up soon after you get there. I promise.” Mom tried convincing her.
“I don’t like it there.”
“I am sure you will make new friends.”
“I already made two new friends – Hailey and Shira,” she said in a less complaining, and more of a bragging tone.
“See, I told you! Now get some sleep.”
“Goodnight mom. Love you.”
“Goodnight Isha, love you too.” Continue reading →

NRIs and the duplicity of life

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In India, NRIs – non resident Indians, are always looked up to; NRIs are often envied for their prosperity and the riches. NRIs hold a special status in all walks of Indian life. They are well recognized for their deep pockets. There is no debate that most of the NRIs are considered very successful among Indian society, regardless how they make their living in the foreign land.

And how are the NRIs and Indians perceived in the foreign land? What is their social status in the county they live in? Well, exactly the opposite in many cases. There are no stories of special stature to write home about. For example, in the American society, you can find lots of successful NRIs, lots of middle class Indians who are well settled, but there is nothing to envy about their social standings, at least not in the adopted country. They are just a part of another minority group. Continue reading →

NRIs and the Distance

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NRIs: Living abroad and the distance between families/friends

The long distance relations, the long distance friendship, the relatives far away and the families scattered around the globe – it is part of living abroad. ‘The distance’ is a part of the journey for most of the NRIs. The distance may be one of the variables depending on where and how far you live, but it is a constant – it is always there. When it comes to the overseas’ life, the distance is what identifies the lifestyle of majority of the NRIs.

Most of the Indians living abroad have what you may call ‘an international family’. The parents may live in one country, the kids in another place, and some of the siblings yet somewhere else. Most of us travel to the faraway places for opportunities – the financial opportunities, the chances for career growth, better jobs and so on…. We explore all around the globe looking for something better – better schools, better jobs, the better places to raise kids….

Along the way, while searching for a better life, come the compromises and the sacrifices. One of the obvious results of all these relocations is the distance.

At the heart of all this running around, at the bottom of all this hunting all over the globe is the search for a better life. The whole thing – the living abroad – revolves around the idea of finding a better life. Continue reading →

NRIs – Scattered relations, separated friends!

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“At first, I tried phoning regularly, almost every day. Then it changed from everyday to every week-end. Talking on the phone is not the same, and it becomes very expensive. Over the years, I have basically lost touch with most of my friends, even some of the closest ones,” He speaks in somewhat sad tone, with pain spilling out of his words, “I still call my friends, we email more than phone. We still understand each-other, but it is not the same. I am no longer a part of the friendship circle that I left behind.”

This is true for most of the NRIs. We often talk about going abroad; living overseas and we share our experiences in the foreign countries. We explore the pros and cons of leaving our homeland and settling overseas. Whenever there is a reunion or a get together, we discuss it all – the good stuff, the bad side and the compromises of living abroad.

However, one of the least discussed and the most unfortunate side-effect of the whole thing – going abroad and settling overseas, – is the emotional and social impact it has on our psychology. It is probably because we don’t like to talk about something very personal. Maybe it is uncomfortable and often painful to discuss something that was much cherished and now lost.

“What we leave behind is lost forever. You cannot go back after years and restart from where you left. Time does not wait for anyone, and people have moved on. Maybe that’s how it is supposed to be, but there are some aspects of going abroad that I will always miss – the circle of friends and families. Yes, I am richer now, but at what cost, I often wonder.” Continue reading →

10 simple ways to improve cross culture understanding in a new country

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The social adaption varies from person to person, some people adapt faster than others. Regardless, it is very natural to have strong opinion or strong biases against a new culture or a new place.

Once we move to a new culture, we subconsciously start to get used to the new norms as time goes. And, in many cases, we don’t even realize that we are adapting to the new culture; it happens automatically. It is a natural social change – adapting to the new culture over time.

However, the social adaption happens much faster if we make a conscious effort to interact with the local culture. To improve the cross cultural understanding and learning more about the local way of life, here are a few simple but effective things that we can do:

1. Adapt to the local language: Don’t isolate yourself from the local language and the local way of speaking – the slang, the style, …. the whole nine yards. The article ‘Self-help guide to lose your accent’ goes into the details on this subject.

2. Participate in the community functions: Be a part of the local community. The social interactions help with understanding the local culture and appreciating the differences.

3. Volunteer at a local school or library: Being a volunteer at local school or library is not only a noble thing to do, but it help you equally. You learn a lot about the local way of life, the local education system and it opens many doors to the local activities.

4. Don’t be over conscious of being different: We are all different, one way or another. The world would be a boring place if we were all very similar. So don’t be self-conscious about being a minority in a local culture. Continue reading →

A lesson in American History

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“Hi dad, I am home from school!” She shouted, entering her house.
“Very good! How was your day? You look tired!” He lowered the TV volume to almost mute.
“It was okay. I still don’t like America!” She said, putting her heavy school bag against the sofa.
“It’s normal Riya! Did you make any new friends?”
“Not really, all the white kids call me ‘the Indian girl’” She slumped into the sofa, next to her dad.
“That’s because they are not used to it” He said encouragingly.
“I love ‘American History’ class though. The teacher was so happy with me!” Her tone was happy again. Continue reading →

Loving the life in Canada

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She waited in the line for 30 minutes before the Brampton Employment Resource Centre opened. Once inside, there was more wait. She sat in a chair waiting for her turn while people around her chatted.
She thought she was a people-person, but everything around her seemed to annoy her that day. She was tired of fruitless job search.

The place was crowded. There were all kinds of people around her. Two women sat in the front row, giggling and filling up an application. A group of middle aged men were standing nearby, with construction workers’ shoes on, as if ready to start some construction job right away. A young mother sat next to her, with infant toying with the milk bottle.
“They did not have any openings last week”, the young mother said, trying to make a small talk, and then added quickly, “Hi, my name is Kari!”
“Hi, I am Jassi.”
“So you are local?” Kari asked, while trying to control the little one who wanted to wander away from her arms.
“Sort of, but I have been in Canada only for a few months.”
A long silence; she grabbed the baby who was eager to wander around, “There are no jobs in accounting in Brampton area!”
“Really?”
“Yeah, the adviser showed me some openings in the restaurants last week, but I don’t want to be waitress; I need a real job!” Kari kept going; expressing her frustrations with the job search.
“I know how you feel”, Jassi said quietly. Kari most likely did not hear her; she did not respond. Or, she didn’t want to talk about her feelings.

“This sucks man,” the guy with construction worker’s shoes said, as he waked away from the counter. He obviously did not like the news, whatever the lady at the counter said.

“It was nice to meet you, I have to go,” Jassi said.
“Why? Don’t you want to meet the adviser; your turn should be coming up in 10-15 minutes?” Jassi had already walked out, even before Kari could finish her sentence. Continue reading →

Canadian Living – A multicultural society by default

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We are always busy comparing stuff around us. We compare apples to oranges, Bollywood to Hollywood, old music to new music….It is human nature we compare our experiences with all sorts of things all the time.
If you live in USA or Canada, you most likely have heard this from your desi friends:
“Canadians are much friendlier!”
“Canada is a much better place to live”…
Or something similar…

I have heard the same so many times from many Indians who either travel through Canada or have lived in Canada. Many of them have lived in both Canada and USA at different times of their lives, so they speak from their experiences.

Recently, while traveling through Canada, I got the first hand opportunity to explore the local living and local cultures. There are some things that stand out in Canadian cities:

Canadian cities are much more multi-cultural and diverse:If you walk through the streets of Toronto or any other major Canadian city, you will notice one significant difference compared to major US cities – you are surrounded by a very ethnic and diverse crowd. The brown skin seems much more mingled and much more predominant. Continue reading →

Chumma Stuff

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Neal had a biology exam that day, right after the lunch hour. So, he was in a rush from the very minute he walked into the cafeteria.

The place was crowded more than usual, it seemed. Looking for a place to sit, so he could gulp down the chicken burger, he scanned all the sitting area. That’s when he saw an empty spot next to her.

She was sitting alone, lost in her own world; eating and reading at the same time.

Their previous interactions were brief, nothing more than ‘hello’, ‘hi’ or ‘how are you’? He mostly saw her in the library, sitting in a corner, minding her own business, always busy with her books. Sometime she would sit alone but most of the time, her American friends surrounded her.

There were only a few Indian girls on the college campus, Henna was one of them.

“Hi Henna”, he said approaching the vacant seat.

“Hi, how are you,” she said with a slight smile. Her eyes went back to the book after a quick greeting.

He started to dig into his burger and fried. She kept reading, and eating.

“What are you reading?” he asked, trying to break the silence.

“Chumma”, she paused, “stuff”, she added without lifting her head.

All confused, he waited but a silence followed. ‘What kind of stuff that might be?’ he thought to him self – ‘chumma stuff!’ Continue reading →

Happiness outsourced

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His house sits in one of the most upper-scale and affluent residential area of Chicago suburbs. As I walked inside the double-door entrance with marble sidings, I quickly realized that the inside of the mansion is even more impressive and pretty that outside view. There are two separate staircases leading to the upper storey; there are multiple bathrooms on the main floor; the open ceiling concept has a catwalk that overlooks the family room; the kitchen alone is bigger than decent size luxury apartment…

If you look at the size of house, you would think that some millionaire lives here. Maybe, he is a millionaire; it is hard to guess his wealth out of his humble disposition and very friendly nature.

After a brief chit-chat, I asked him about his occupation. I knew he was not working much currently, but I was very curious to find out where he got the big bucks to build that big mansion.

“One second, be right back”, he briefly went into the kitchen and came back with two cups of hot tea – steam still floating over the edges.

“It was a good job, a very good job. Only 15 minutes drive from the house,” he reflected on his past occultation, the cup of tea resting on his thigh as he leaned back in the easy-chair.

For 15 years, I found out, Ramesh had worked for an electronics company as a quality controller. He does not have any special technical education –engineering degree or anything else of the sort.
“I started on the assembly line, but I was promoted to the supervisor within years”, there is a happiness in his voice as he walks down the memory lane.
“Everybody appreciated what I did for the company. I used to get letters of recognition all the way from Japan – our upper management headquarters.”
“So, what happened?” I asked curiously.
“Outsourcing!” he did not feel any further need to explain. But then, after a brief pause, he spoke with a sad tone, his voice lowered, “they did not need us anymore, they found cheaper ways to do what we did, in other countries!”
“Oh, I see!” I did not know what else to say.

For the past 4 years Ramesh has struggled to find a decent job. Most of the jobs that need his skills are outsourced. After trying for years, he gave up on the job market, and tried to do what one of his best friends does – real estate agent. Continue reading →

Welcome to the world of Holi festival – without colors

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The Holi day in India; the festival of colors! Dry colors , wet colors, sticky colors, shiny colors, or just plain water if you run out of the colors – everything is a fair game. Friends, foes, families, strangers – everybody is a fair target, well, most of the time. No one minds, or to be politically correct, no one is supposed to mind, if their all dressy outdoor wear is smudged with colors. No one is supposed to hold a grudge if their best dress gets messed up from the Holi colors. Why? Because it is Holi, the festival of colors – no other explanation is needed. A rainbow of colors is an expected scene – almost everywhere.

If you live in India or grew up there, we all know, you can go crazy with the colors if you want to. The day itself demands you to be colorful – inside and out.

Just like in India, the Indian communities abroad – all around the world, celebrate Holi festival. However, there is a often one big difference in the celebrations – the absence of the colors (or very few colors – just as a symbol). Plain and simple – it is not as colorful!

In many overseas celebrations, the scene is not quite the same as in India. In many countries, it is just like any other normal day. You can celebrate the festival within the walls of your own home, or in your own backyard, or with some desi friends if you are lucky to find those who understand the Holi spirits. That’s about it. Your choices and your enthusiasm are limited. Even within Indian circles, very few bothers to celebrate Holi now-a-days! At least, not like we used to, in India. Many westernized Indian kids want to enjoy it in their won way – from a distance, as long as the colors don’t touch them. Why would you want to look ridiculous and messy in the middle of the day! Continue reading →