Category Archives: Communication Skills

How to improve the listening skills!

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Active Listening: How to become a better listener

Listening skills are very critical for meaningful and fruitful communications. But it is easier said than done :) !

“Are you listening?”
We have heard this so many times growing up, many times form our teachers, more time from our parents and siblings. It sounds simple, but listening is not an easy skill to master. It takes patience to listen; it takes practice to be a good listener. It is human nature, we love talking more than listening.
Of course, this article is about active listening; not about random hearing, or casual listening- such as listening to our favorite music etc.

“Did you hear something?”
“Yes”
“What was it?”
“Somebody talking at the door”
“About what?”
“Don’t know”
“What you mean?”
“Oh, I didn’t pay attention; I wasn’t listening!”…

It takes conscious effort to be a good listener. It is commonly said that we become better listener with age. Now, lets us not wait on grey hair and beyond :) !

There are a few key things that we can proactively do to be better at listening:

Pay attention: Well, no surprises here. Paying attention to the speaker is first and foremost requirement. Lack of attention span is one of the biggest problems with poor listening. If we don’t make an effort, it is very common to drift into our own world, especially if the ‘talk’ or the topic is not of our interest.

Eye contact: The eye-contact helps with connecting to the person speaking. It helps understand where the speaker is coming from. The eye-contact also helps with improvement to attention span, and ‘staying’ with the speaker.

Avoid distractions: Avoid any kinds of distractions. Loud noise in the back-ground, cell-phone ringing or someone else talking at the same time can easily affect the ability to listen to the intended conversation. Continue reading →

Importance of being a good listener!

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Pay attention, and listen up! :)

“Most of the successful people I’ve known are the ones who do more listening than talking.” ~ Bernard M. Baruch

“Did you hear what I say?”
“Yeah”
“What did I say?”
“Can your say it again…I wasn’t listening..”
“Now, listen up and pay attention!”….

Ask any parent or school teacher, it takes lots of effort to get your point across, or get some-one’s undivided attention. The fact is, listening skill is not that simple, or natural. Our mind always tends to wander off. It takes a conscious effort to be a good listener.
Now, we all know some good talkers in our families and friends who always have something to say. However, good talkers are not always good communicators. In fact, listening is equally, if not more, important for effective communications.

The listening skills are very important for anyone who is serious about personal development and improving the communications skills. Listening is even more important if English (or the language of conversation) is not your mother tongue.
Here are some of the key benefits of being a good listener:
1. Key to communication: Listening is important part of any conversation. It helps to better understand the view point of the other party or the speaker. More than half of the conversation or communication is paying attention to and understanding the other side.

2. Shows maturity and respect: It shows maturity and respect to the speaker or the other parties involved in the conversation. Constantly interrupting without listening never leads to a meaningful and enlightening conversation.

3. The healing power: Most of us generally have a friend or family member that we can call whenever we need to vent or express any frustration. It is generally someone who is willing to ‘listen’ to us and put-up with our emotional out-pour or complaining even if he or she has nothing to do with the situation. It is not that we desperately need advice; sometimes, we just need someone who can listen to us. A good listener can always provide emotional support and has a healing power; it is a god sent gift to be a good listener. The gift of listening certainly deserves more credit than it receives in our daily lives. Continue reading →

Crossing the language barrier abroad!

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“The language barrier is probably the most difficult and takes the longest to overcome.” ~ Stephen Lee

Most of the times, the phrase ‘Language barrier’ refers to the difficulties people face during communicating if they don’t speak the same language; or if the speech or accent is too different to communicate effectively.
Almost everyone who ventures out to the worlds far-far away, the language barrier is one of the many hurdles encountered in the new land. For people migrating from India, even though they speak and understand English in most of the cases, the communication problems still exist. The fact is that spoken English in America or other Western countries is not the same as in India. The style, the slang, the acceptable norms….everything is different. One is bound to feel out of place in the beginning of this overseas journey.

The key issues surrounding the language barrier and the best ways to approach or alleviate them are:

The language knowledge: Knowledge of the English language is the most important step toward adjusting and adapting to the English speaking culture and society. The understanding of grammar and sound knowledge of vocabulary are necessary to build a reliable foundation for any language. For people from India, this is not a major issue because most of us learn English in school and have a good command of the language itself.

The ‘thick’ accent: The accent is natural; this is how we talk and speak in our native country growing up. The Indian accent of English –commonly called ‘thick’ accent- is very different from the way they speak English overseas. While there are ways to soften the accent or dramatically reduce it by practice and with conscious effort, it takes time to lose the accent. For details on this topic, refer to the previous post titled ‘A self-help guide to lose your accent!’. Continue reading →

10 Tips on English pronunciation and accent improvement!

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Key tips on English pronunciation and accent improvement for people from India:

This post focuses on the specific difficulties that people from India encounter when speaking English, or during pronunciations of certain parts of English speech. For overall accent reduction and how to lose your accent, refer to the posts at the bottom of this article.
Based on common observations by everybody and feedback, here are some of the main problem areas, along with the tips to improve them:

1. The pronunciation of ‘Rs’, ‘Ts’, ‘Ds’ is not clear or hard to understand/distinguish:
‘T’ sound almost like ‘D’:T in some parts of American speech is supposed to be less crisp. It should sounds more like a ‘d’ in many cases, especially between vowels. Katie is pronounced almost like KaDie, water like waDer.
‘R’ pronunciation: There are varying observations on the sound of ‘R’:
-Let the sound of R flow; don’t put too much stress on this sound especially in the middle or in the end of a word.
-Don’t totally chewing up the sound of ‘R’ in other cases. Practice the stress on this sound, and listen to how your American/English friends use it. In ‘Robert’, the stress is on first R; let the second ‘r’ flow, without any pronounced stress.

2. ‘Vs’ and ‘Ws’ sound: This is a common problem for many Asians and Europeans, so don’t take it personally. There is a clear difference between ‘w’ and ‘v’ sounds. Even though most of Indians understand the difference, the distinction is often not carried out in spoken English. Let us try this:
-For the sound of ‘v’, place lower lip gently on the upper teeth and say the word. Don’t press it hard, you should be able to exhale through, while making the sound. Most of us find this hardest to get used to.
-For ‘w’ sound, it’s a different than ‘v’, the lips are supposed to be rounded and puckered like when we say ‘u’, and with no contact between the teeth and tongue. Move your lips in the forward direction as you vocalize the sound.
-The key distinction between the w/v sound and the ‘B’ sound is the fact that the lips are closed when we start to vocalize ‘B’. Continue reading →

30 Tips on the art of small talk!

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Communications Tips (NRI and ESL Tips): Small Talk – how to carry-on a conversation effectively.

“Conversation should touch everything, but should concentrate itself on nothing.” ~ Oscar Wilde

I have written before on the importance of small talk . Small talk is a conversation, chit-chat or an informal discussion without any specific topic or subject. Small talk generally is not a problem if we are among our family and friends; there is always something to talk about. However, once we step into a wider social circle, it may become challenging at times to keep the conversation going or even start a conversation. Here are some of the tips on how to avoid uncomfortable situations, and carry on a small talk in all types of social settings:

1. Be a good listener: Pay attention and listen to what others are talking about. Good listening provides additional understanding about the people we are communicating with.

2. Introduce yourself if needed: Introduce yourself first, especially if you are in a new to the gathering, party or event.

3. Take queue from other’s conversation: This helps with the continuity of the discussion.

4. Ask questions…small ones: Questions or clarifications are important to understand the others involved in the conversation. The questions could be about the discussion going on, or general questions to ‘get-to-know’ the company. Continue reading →

The imprortance of small talk

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NRIs and ESL Tips: Importance of small talk in a conversation

Don’t tell your friends about your indigestions: “How are you!” is a greeting, not a question.
~Arthur Guiterman, A Poet’s Proverbs
 

Many of us, especially those with English as a second language (ESL),  often struggle with social communications and the language barrier. However, this article is written for anyone who may need some extra help with improving their communication skills.
Small talk is a conversation just for the sake of conversation. It does not have to have any specific topic or agenda. The small talk is considered a very important part of our overall communication or daily interactions with others.

Small talk is a big deal:  The small talk is important for so many reasons:

- it is essential for a smooth and effective communication with anybody we talk to.

- it creates a good first impression.

- it leads to a  lively and friendly conversation.

- if you are a good ‘small talker’ you will come across as an open and more friendly person

- it is an essential tool for effective interaction in any social settings.

- it leaves a lasting impression on the other party.

- it gives you more confidence as a speaker.

Parts of conversation:

In terms of overall conversation, small talk is very important throughout any communications. Following are the key functions of a small talk in any speech or discussion: Continue reading →

A self-help guide to lose your accent!

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NRI Tips: A complete guide on accent reduction and English language accent improvement!

Talking is like playing on the harp; there is as much in laying the hands on the strings to stop their vibration as in twanging them to bring out their music. ~Oliver Wendell Holmes

This is the final segment of a series of articles written on how to lose your accent. This article includes a brief summary of earlier posts, tips based on personal experiments with different approaches and some additional tools on accent softening.

Before we start, it is very important to remember that:

-Our success or failure depends on our commitment. However, it is easier to make a commitment toward a goal, if we know that ‘help’ is around the corner - ’help’ such as this information.

-Nobody can help us better than ourselves.

With that in mind, the information below is a self-help or a guide on accent softening, accent reduction and how to lose your accent ultimately:

Accent is normal: We all have accent, it is the way we speak; it is the way we used to talk in our neighborhood growing up. It only becomes an accent when we leave our neighborhood and go far away where they speak differently. Even within the same country, the same language is spoken with different slang, and in different style. Have you ever seen a white person in India trying to speak Hindi? Now, that is an accent; it is more than an accent – most of the time it is a slaughterhouse :) ! So don’t feel too bad if someone tell you that you have a ‘thick’ accent. This is normal. You can read more about accent basics in this linked post.

How to lose or soften your accent: The main process and methods are detailed in the post titled ‘How to lose your accent’. It has received some very good reviews all around. Out of all the segments mentioned here, if you have time for only one article, this is the article you should go to. The process of accent softening – as outlined in the linked article – involves following key steps:

a. Break the habit of old speaking ways

b. Be a good listener Continue reading →

Do you ‘think’ in your mother tongue?

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NRI Tips: The ‘unconscious adaption’ to the foreign culture and language.

When the mind is thinking it is talking to itself. ~ Plato

sxc_man_thinkingI talk to myself all the times, I always have. Bigger the dilemma, more I talk; this is also another way of my brainstorming and mulling over new ideas.

Be it a thinking out loud or in whispers or in silence, thinking is part of being human. Thinking and logic is what separates us from the animals. We all think, it is a part of our problem solving nature.

For those living overseas or away from the place of your childhood, do you ‘think’ in your mother tongue or the adopted foreign/new language?

Back home in India, my train of thought was always in my mother tongue. It was natural; speaking the same language as my brain, thinking something and then saying it loud during the conversation. It was automatic -without noticeable delays.

Ane then, I came to America. :)

When I first came here, I recall that I continued to think in my mother tongue, even when talking to my American colleagues - in a meeting at work or any other social settings. I used to think in my Indian language, and then translate my thoughts it into English for the verbal exchange. At times it slowed me down; It was no longer automatic. I used to re-phrase a lot. This is how it was; I never thought it would change much.

However, lately I find myself thinking in English more and more often. Continue reading →

How to lose your accent!

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Communication Tips: Accent softening & accent reduction methods
Accent improvement for effective communications is a key part of personal growth and personal development. As I said before, changing the way we speak is equivalent of breaking a habit.

How to lose your accent!

How to lose your accent!

To break one habit, we need to develop a new one -to ultimately affect the way be speak. This is not going to happen overnight, but you will see an improvement right away, that is if you are serious about losing your accent.
Here are some of the routines to help reduce, and ultimately lose your accent:

Plan ahead: If you are still in India, in the planning stage of immigration, one of the best thing to do is to expose yourself to the spoken English language, Western style and slang, as much as possible. Some of the simple suggestions include: Continue reading →

Accent softening and accent reduction Tips!

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NRI Tips: Language barrier -the  issue of ‘thick’ accent!

Many surprises await a new immigrant. The challenges of adapting to a foreign country can be very discouraging.
One of the main hurdles that the NRIs face in the Western world is the language barrier and the Indian accent of spoken English. Even if you have a graduate degree in English from India, you are bound to have this problem. The issue is not the knowledge of language, but the way we speak English – the Indian accent; the inability to communicate effectively while talking to a native English speaking person.
The Indian way of speaking English is often branded as a ‘thick’ accent. That basically means that it sounds very foreign, like an ‘outsider’
Yes, the spoken language barrier or thick accent is an issue, but it is not your fault. It is a part of the journey; a part of new culture and new rules of living abroad. It is a part of adaptation into the local culture abroad.

The spoken English in India is heavily influenced by our Indian or mother tongue. In India, the English teachings mainly focus on grammar and spelling with very little focus on actual pronunciation. Continue reading →

NRI Tips: Key hurdles to overseas adaptation and adjustment!

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NRI Tips:  The habits that hinder our adaptation abroad

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” ~ Maria Robinson

Immigration from India is often considered a grueling process, probably one of the hardest thing ever for a new NRI; right?
Not really, it is just the start :) . Once we get to our new destination abroad, -USA or Canada or England..- the things are not as we imagined. As mentioned before in NRIs and India diaspora – the key challenges abroad!’, the most difficult part is adjusting to the new society, the new culture; and then building a career that matches our professional background and education.
Why is it that so many of indians find it so hard to adjust abroad? Even after years, we feel strangers in the land that is dubbed a ‘melting pot’ of multi-culture society.

One of the key reasons for our failure to adjust even after years – is the isolation from the American society and western culture; our inability to adapt to the local language and norms. Many of us find it hard to carry on a real conversation with locals; the conversation that involves local slang and local style.
Here are some of the main reasons that hinder a desi immigrant from being a ‘Roman while in Rome’; the key habits that won’t let us adapt to overseas’  life: Continue reading →