What do you call a person who only speaks English? An American! But fear not, many countries try to help the visitors by putting up English language signs.

A hotel elevator in Paris read:
Please leave your values at the front desk.

The real meaning may be lost in translations unless that’s what they really meant! The unintended outcomes of English translation are at full display in many of these travel signs, intended to help the tourists! Here are some of the funny ones:

Ladies have fits upstairs.
~ Outside a dress shop in Hong Kong

Drop your trousers here for the best results.
~ A Bangkok dry cleaner’s sign

We take your bags and send them in all directions.
~ Airline reservation office, Copenhagen

Stop. Drive sideways.
~ Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan

Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
~ Cocktail lounge, Norway

Ladies – Leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time!
~ A Rome Laundry

Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
~ In a Zurich hotel

The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that you will be unbearable.
~ Outside Hotel Elevator, Bucharest

Sir, I am forwarding my marriage certificate and two children – one of which is a mistake as you will see.
~ The start of a letter from a Punjabi immigrant to the Canadian social security offices

Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11 am daily.
~ A Hotel in Athens

Specialist in women and other diseases.
~ Office of a Rome doctor

Take one of our horse-driven city tours – we guarantee no miscarriages.
~ A Czechoslovakian tourist agency

Would you like to ride on your own ass?
~ Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand

You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
~ In a Japanese hotel

Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
~ On the menu of a Swiss restaurant

Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
~ Tokyo Hotel

Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
~ An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist

Cooles and heates: if you want just condition of warm air in your room, please control yourself.
~ Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner, Japan

When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.
~ Car rental brochure, Tokyo

To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.

~ Hotel elevator, Belgrade

It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a man.
~ In a Bangkok temple

Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
~ In a Tokyo bar

Higiene gurarantee.
~ Hotel in Romania – Posters on the toilets

Order your summers suit. Because is big rush, we will execute customers in strict rotation.
~ Tailor shop, Rhodes

You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous russian and soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except thursday.
~ Lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery

When you are getting off with your lover, pay attention to your bag!
~ A Chinese sign for romantic couples

Our nylons cost more than common, but you’ll find they are the best in the long run.
~ A Tokyo shop

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• Hinglish – Indian English idioms and phrases – II
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