“Indian men are the most ugly men on this planet. Their hearts so ugly that u can not even imagine. I am Indian married to an Indian, the pain and the suffering he has given me and continues to give me, is crazy. Why?……. Indian men in India may be good, Indian men who come to the west are ugly ugly men…may god give me courage to remove this painful lump( my husband) out out of my life forever.. ” Says Katiyani while commenting on this article.
Many parents in India prefer to marry their beloved son or daughter to NRIs. Their main hopes and wishes for their kids are to see them will settle abroad and prosper. A common man still looks up to the other countries as the ultimate salvation for their offspring.
Yes, arranged marriage is still the most common way to matrimony in India, especially when it comes to marrying abroad. With very little knowledge about a ‘funny dressed’ visitor from the west, people are willing to wed their son or daughter overnight. They don’t want someone else to steal their opportunity – the opportunity of a golden ticket to go abroad.
Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond, based on mutual love and respect. However, NRI marriages are fundamentally based on greed. It is the greed that results into lifelong headaches for many couples, and heartaches along with it.
Everyone knows that the arranged marriage is no walk in the park, especially the arranged marriages where a couple knows very little about each-other. What follows in a typical NRI marriage is surprises, compromises and then more compromises. There are lucky couples who can adapt quicker and understand each other mush faster. And then again, there are probably more couples who find it hard to adjust, where ego comes into play more than love. What follows thereafter is a life-long misery, constant conflicts and endless arguments on daily basis.
Indian society, even modern Indian society, looks down on divorce. Many families don’t even consider the option of separation. And once you have kids in the mix, it is even more difficult to separate, both sides sacrificing for the sake of the kids.
The situation is especially difficult for the women who marry a man from overseas. The women are more eager to adapt, more willing to sacrifice. Very often, the women go beyond the call of duty to satisfy their spouses in the new land. They often have very few relatives abroad to fall back on, they lack the family support, the support of their own blood relatives. Women are less confrontational by nature to start with. But all this works against them.
Being dependent on her husband, with little knowledge of the new surroundings, the women always go out of their way to oblige to husbands’ superiority. More importantly, a traditional woman from a traditional Indian home considers it her own shortcoming if she cannot make the relation work. On the other hand, her husband and his family quite often take advantage of this obliging demeanor. The whole situation, resulting from her desire to make things work, actually works against her own comfort, against her own freedom in her own new home. That is, of course, if you can call it a ‘home’.
From outside, this may look outrageous to a third person. Many may argue: how is this even possible; how can a smart and sensible women shackle herself in this type of slavery! The fact is – it is very common. In the name of the compromises, in the name of the family pride; the women abroad are suffering from this type of cruel adjustments every day. This happens more often than you might think. A traditional Indian woman does not want to break her marriage, even if her life depends on it. A woman holds the institution of marriage much closer to her heart and tries every possible avenue to save it. Men, on the other side, take this to be her weakness and often exploit the situation to their own advantage. How sad for the woman, how shameful for the institution of marriage!
In fact, this is equally shameful for the Indian society where we allow this kind of behavior against a woman. We cannot change this overnight, but if we can avoid this unfair treatment of a woman in our own household, we can make a difference. A change always starts from within, from our own soul. A change always starts from our own home. This is a social misery we often overlook in our overseas society. It is easier to look away; this social injustice however demands your full attention, you full focus with both eyes and a caring heart!
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