For decades, this has been a common practice; it is a part of Indian thinking. Parents in India marry their beloved son or daughter to NRIs visiting from Western counties, with the hope and wish that he or she will settle abroad, and perhaps more importantly, help them migrate as well. While India is enjoying the financial boom, the common man still looks up to the other countries as the ultimate salvation for their offspring.
Yes, arranged marriage is still very common in India, and especially when it comes to marrying abroad. With very little knowledge about a ‘funny dressed’ visitor from the west, people are willing to bond their son or daughter overnight, before someone else steals their opportunity – the opportunity of a golden ticket to go abroad.
Marriage is supposed to be a sacred bond, based on mutual love and respect. However, NRI marriages are fundamentally based on greed. It is the greed that results into lifelong headaches for many couples, if not heartaches.
Everyone knows that the arranged marriage is no walk in the park, especially the arranged marriages where a couple knows very little about each-other. What follows in a typical NRI marriage is surprises, compromises and then more compromises. There are lucky couples who can adapt quicker and understand each other mush faster. And then again, there are probably more couples who find it hard to adjust, where ego comes into play more than love. What follows thereafter is a life-long misery, constant conflicts and endless arguments on daily basis.
Indian society, even modern Indian society, looks down on divorce. Many families don’t even consider the option of separation. And once you have kids in the mix, it is even more difficult to separate, both sides sacrificing for the sake of the kids.
The situation is especially difficult for the women who marry a man abroad. The women are more eager to adapt, more willing to sacrifice. Very often, the women go beyond the call of duty to satisfy their spouses in the new land. They often have very few relatives abroad to fall back on, they lack the family support, the support of their own blood. Women are less confrontational by nature to start with, and it works against them.
Being dependent on her husband, with little knowledge of the new surroundings, the women always go out of their way to oblige to husbands’ superiority. More importantly, a traditional woman from a traditional Indian home considers it her own shortcoming if she cannot make the relation work. On the other hand, her husband and his family quite often take advantage of this obliging demeanor. The whole situation, resulting from her desire to make things work, actually works against her own comfort, against her own freedom in her own house.
From outside, this may look outrageous to a third person. Many may argue: how is this even possible; how can a smart and sensible women shackle herself in this type of slavery! The fact is – it is very common. In the name of the compromises, in the name of the family pride, the women abroad are suffering from this type of cruel adjustments every day. This happens more often than you might think. A traditional Indian woman does not want to break her marriage, even if her life depends on it. A woman holds the institution of marriage much closer to hear heart and tries every possible avenue to save it. Men, on the other side, take this to be her weakness and often exploit the situation to their own advantage. How sad for the woman, how sad for the institution of marriage!
In fact, this is very sad for the Indian society where we allow this kind of behavior against a woman. We cannot change this overnight, but if we can avoid this unfair treatment of a woman in our won household, we can make a difference. A change always starts from within, from our own soul. A change always starts from our own home. This is a social misery we often overlook in our overseas society. It is easier to look away; this social injustice however demands your full attention, you full focus with both eyes, and caring heart!
- an arranged marriage
- NRI Tips: Commonsense guide for NRI marriages
- The night before Babbu’s wedding
- The growing problems with NRI Marriages: A wake-up call!
- Hire a Bollywood star for your party: Aaja NachLe!
- Why white women find desi or Indian guys less attractive?
- IPC 498A – Harassment or cruelty to a woman
- Common overseas myths and misconceptions about people from India
- 30 Tips on planning and hosting a wedding