She had big dreams, her ideology was based on truth, honesty and kindness. But that was a long time ago, that was when she was seventeen. She thought she was special; she was born to do great things; she was born to make a difference. But then again, that was was when she was in high school. She barely new the world out there. She never knew that the rules of kindness, love and truth apply differently beyond the walls of her house.
Somewhere along the way, somewhere in the process of growing up, she left her house to encounter the real world. She was no longer shielded by her family and her loved ones. It was part of her society, it was part of the traditions to move out. She got married; her family tied her knot to an educated man from Canada. Not because they knew him, or she loved him; they married her in the hope that life would be better in Canada. That is what everyone thought, and that is what they believed – she will be better off in Canada, far better off.
But then again, people are not what they appear to be. In the real world abroad, things are very different. The real world is far different than the one based on dreams; the real world where ideology is often talked about but seldom practiced. Most of the people talk big but do little, she soon learned.
In no time, she was exposed to the double standards as she left her father’s house. She saw hypocrisy first hand – day in and day out. The lies, the deceptions, the compromises – everything was at play on her new stage of life.
At first it was a major shock. She was confused. How could people be so shallow and so hypocritical- she wondered. However, she wanted to make things work, she thought her kindness will change others. So she waited, and waited. And then waited some more. She was raised to be a good girl; she did not want others to think that she cannot make it. For the sake of her parents’ honor, she did not want to return home. She considered herself to be strong, so she endured whatever got thrown at her. Including the abusive husband.
Time passed, but things did not change. Perhaps they never will – she wondered.
Over the years, she has learned to compromise, she has learned to go on. She is not happy with her life but that is nothing new. It has been for years now, she has gotten used to the new norms, the new reality.
Not as strong as once, but she still holds the hope in her heart that the things may get better. It is too late to go back. Emotionally, she has too much invested into her new life. She is now almost used to the double standards. The cruelty of the world around her does not hurt her as much as it once did.
Was it a mistake, she can never tell. Perhaps, it is too late to go back and look for an alternate path, especially when her parents and the society won’t approve of it. At times, she almost feels guilty for putting up with everything for so long that she has become a part of the hypocritical society.
Life is full of compromises, she has often heard. However, she never realized that she would compromise to the point where joy of living would be squeezed out of her.
In the name of the family, for the sake of the society, she has compromised at every intersection of her life. She has compromised to the point where she does not recognize herself anymore. Her dreams, he ambitions, her ideology….are things of the past.
She had dreams, she wanted to be something big, but that was long time ago, long before she learned to compromise.
She has a boyfriend now. Nobody knows about him, except her two befriends from college days. He is a married man, from the family’s social circle. The secret affair does not bother her; she is used to the double standards now.
- Plight of a woman in the NRI Marriages
- An arranged marriage
- NRI Tips: Commonsense guide for NRI marriages
- The night before Babbu’s wedding
- The growing problems with NRI Marriages: A wake-up call!
- Why white women find desi or Indian guys less attractive?
- IPC 498A – Harassment or cruelty to a woman
- Common overseas myths and misconceptions about people from India
- 30 Tips on planning and hosting a wedding