The Indians Abroad

Loud music, louder conversations, noisy kids running all over – it is a complete chaos. It seems like everybody is lost in the moment. Older ladies are sitting together next to the kitchen, sorting out the sweets and chit-chatting; the older men are sitting nearby – having their own small-talk and sipping on tea.

The younger generation is all mingled up. Some are bare feet, and  some are testing their newly bought shoes on the dance floor in the basement, with Kesha’s ‘Tick Tock’ song blaring loud. Every now and then, a car pulls up to the front of the house with neatly trimmed landscape, dropping off new guests.

Tomorrow is a big day for the Gill family. Their only son Babbu is getting married. By the time the sun touched the western horizon, the house is all packed full. The guests from as far as India, London and Vancouver have flown in, all excited for the special day.

Their house in Brampton is a short drive from the Toronto airport. Raj – Babbu’s cousin, has been to the airport three times already, picking up the relatives as they arrive. He is most excited about the fourth trip, however. He is going to receive his three cousins from England, whom he has not seen for a long time.

Around 8PM, a black stretched limousine pulls to the front of the house. It is part of the last minute planned party for the groom and his passé. One last night, he is going to enjoy his single life before being shackled down into the married life. The limo driver steps outside the driver seat; polishes the already clean windshield with black cloth, like a ritual. Then he lights up a cigarette, while some of the elders watch him with a look of disapproval.

The groom and his passé of five friends and cousins finally start to get inside the limo. In the mean time, Raj also comes back from the airport, speeding all the way to the driveway; his three cousins jump out of of his car in no time. Everybody, including those inside the limo, rush over to greet them. There are hugs, there are hi-fives; there is loud laughter. After a quick exchange of greetings, Babbu and his passé run back to the limo; Raj and the three well-dress cousins with British accent follow them.

Finally, a little bit after 9PM, the limo drives off for a night-out on the town. All of them, ten of them all together, are bubbling with excitement.

“Can you take us to the liquor store, please”, someone shouts at the limo driver.
“Okay boss”, the limo driver shouts back.
“Where are we going”, asks Bobby, one of the cousins from England.
“Downtown”, many of them respond back, one after another.
“Downtown where?”….

Everybody tries to speak louder than the rest, as if fighting to have their say. The limo get to the liquor store. Raju and Babbu jump out, followed by everybody else. No one wants to be left behind, it seems.
“Get some Black Label.”
“We need beer”
“Something for shots.”
“Sambuca” …

After their favorite purchase, all of them hop back inside the limo and shout another order at the limo driver, “Downtown please.”
“Okay boss”, he obliges.
They let out a few loud screams.  They start to open the bottles, everybody giving a hand to help. Then, Babbu interrupts in a loud voice:
“Shit!”
“What?” Raj inquires.
“We don’t have glasses!”
“See over there, there are some glasses in the limo, you idiot. Use those”
“No, I need new glasses!”
“Why?”
“Because, who know where these glasses been?”
“Whatever!”
“Hey buddy,” Babbu shouts at the driver again, “Can you stop by the Walmart, we need some shot glasses.”
“Oh, we need some soda too!” The other English cousin, Deep, puts in his demand.
“Okay boss!” the driver obliged again.
“After that, can we swing by the McDonald, for a burger? I have not had anything all day” Jas wants to have his own craving. He is the third cousin from England, well dressed and well groomed.

Raj, along with his three English cousins did not want to wait for the new glasses. So, they lavishly poured the scotch into the glasses they found in the limo, raised them toward Babbu for a toast and started to drink. Others did not want to be left behind; so they joined the party. Everybody had gulped down a few shots by the time the driver pulled into the Walmart parking lot.

By 11PM, everybody is feeling the buzz, and they continue to stress their opinions and tastes.
“Use the new glasses!”
“Pass me a Sambuca shots.”
“what’s up with English people and Sambuca?”
“The burgers were so good, can we go back to McDonald one more time!”
“We already been there twice!”
“Listen to this, my desi joke!”
“Shut Up!”
“How far is the strip club?”
“Are we going to the strip club?”
“Are you already drunk?”
“No you idiot, I need another Sambuca shot!” Jas seem to love sambuca.

Empty beer cans, burger wraps and a bottle of Sambuca litter the limo floor. Raj and his his cousins look half asleep or half drunk, or something in between; perhaps an effect of a long day combined with the liquor shots.

The limo pulls over, in front of a night club with blazing lights all over.

“Get off guys!”
“Move”
“Someone open the door”

And then it happens. As everybody gets near the door, Jas makes a loud barfing sound and out come the mixture of McDonald burgers and Sambuca. The loud laughter and all the conversations stop instantly. The limo is filled with the vomit smell within seconds.

“Holy shit”
“Oh my god!”
“You idiot, Jas!”
“Watch out guys!”
“My shoes are all ruined!”

Jas does not say anything. As everybody yells and screams for about 10 seconds, he sits there, his shirt and pants all full of vomit. And then, he lets go of the second round of throw-up!

“Get him out of the limo!” Everybody is shouting at Jas and rushing to the limo door.
“Get out of the limo!”
“Get out!”
Everybody jumps out of the limo before Jas could even get up. Once outside, he starts to unbutton his dress shirt, takes it off and uses it as a towel to wipe himself. The driver comes out with a plastic bag, and Jas quickly grabs it to put his dirty shirt in. Then, after a long hesitant pause, he unbuttons his pants, takes them off and shoves them inside the plastic bag as well. Wearing only his boxer shorts, he stands very close to the limo door, so that nobody passing by could see him.

Two blonde girls in min-skirts walk out of the club, look at the limo, smell something bad in the air and look at each.
“Ew smell!” and they run back inside the club.

“What the f we gonna do?” Deep looks at Jas and then at others trying to get far away from their half-naked cousin.
“What the hell just happened!” Babbu punches the hood of the limo, and then stops in the air before the second punch, realizing that the driving was standing right next to him.
“We have to go back!” Raj chimes in.
“I am not going back” Babbu is pacing back and forth.
“We all stink!” Raj reminds him.
“What about the club!”
“I have to lose my brand new shoes!”
“Me too!”
“We cannot get back inside the stinky limo!”
“Is there a wash?”
“No car wash is open at midnight?”
“What the f we gonna do?” Deep keep saying the same thing again and again.

The driver stands near the front of the limo, smokes a cigarette while trying to think of some solution to the crisis. Then he gets some paper towels from the drive side, and goes inside the limo from the back door, trying to clean it. After about 5 minutes, he comes out, with another plastic bag full of used paper towels, shakes his head in disbelief and walks to the driver side door without saying anything.

After a long hesitation, and with lots of convincing from others, they carefully get inside the limo, avoiding the area of ‘crime scene’.

“Are we heading back?” Deep looks around
“What do you think?” Babbu responds.
“Its not even midnight and we are heading back home!”
“I cannot believe it!”
“This is not cool”
“I know!”
“It is all your fault, Jas!”
“You and your Sambuca shots!”
“You messed up the who night!”
Then they found a left-over bag of French fries that they had purchased from McDonald’s earlier. They all grabbed a few fries and start to throw at Jas, like one would throw darts at a dart board. Along with the flying fries, they continue to curse him all the way. Jas, feeling all guilty, sits there taking the shots and says nothing.

Jas is the first to jump out as the limo pulls into the driveway. Babbu gives him a hard spank on the back as he tries to escape. They all continue to curse and yell.

Jas leaves the plastic bag containing his soiled clothes and his dress shoes in the garage and they all walk into the house. With their heads down, they go inside the house, like a bunch of defeated soldiers. Jas, wearing only a pair of boxer shorts is the last one to enter, trying to hide behind everybody else.

Next morning, the ladies woke up early to tidy up the house. They noticed the funky smell in the garage, and quickly found the source of the smell – a plastic bag all knotted up. They tossed the bag into a garbage bin sitting alongside the street, that was later picked up by a city garbage truck. The Armani shirt, Armani pants and the Hugo Boss shoes that Jas had specially bought for the wedding, never made to the ceremony!

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