Opening a can of worms here.
This may seem like a very personal question and you probably won’t get an honest response if asking someone point blank. After all, no one wants to be stereotyped. However, it is a fair question that is seldom asked and often ignored:
Are the white women less attracted to the guys from India or those of Indian origin? And if so, Why?
Myth or truth:
Is this really true or is it just is a myth?
Based on all kinds of on-line discussions, observations from different corners of the world and feedback from many, it is most likely a true observation. However, it may have more to do with the social and cultural tradition of a race or ethnic group to stay within their own kinds – within their own race or social group. The question or observation may not be different from ‘Do white women find Hispanic men less attractive?’ or any other combination of ethnic mix. So, don’t take it too personal, this is not be your fault. Blame it on your social upbringing.
Under ideal circumstance, a relation should not be based on the color of the skin, but it is not a perfect world we live in. Without any sugarcoating, here is some of the common logic or reasoning behind this behavior:
1. Peers and parental influence: The family and social aspect always comes into play in our personal choices. After all, racial biases and racial issues are still very much alive in every society. Yes, these biases are not as bad as in old day, but it is not a color-blind world by any measure. Many of our daily decisions are influenced by the peer pressure and the racial biases that are rooted deep in the society, choosing a partner is one of them. The birds of a feather, flock together – as they say.
2. Unconscious bias: It is human nature, we have our own biases and prejudice, and sometimes we don’t even realize it. If a white person has always seen her friends and families – since she was a kid – sticking with their own kind, her first preference is likely going to be someone of her own kind, even without her realizing it. We are a creation of our environment; our surroundings always influence our actions. So, once again, not your fault or her fault, blame it on the hidden cleverness and treacheries of our brain – the unconscious bias.
3. Not enough in common: A friendship or a relation is often built on a common bond. Coming from a different background and raised very differently, an Indian guy may not have much in common with the white women. For example, if your favorite topics of discussion relate to Bollywood, the game of cricket, desi music…., you probably won’t make very good company for a white person who knows little about all this. Understanding the other side and making a connection based on personal likes and dislikes makes a big difference.
4. Good hygiene Rumor: Some have said this (anonymously) and others have heard this through some friend-of-friend, that their experiences have not been very ‘pleasant’ when it comes to personal hygiene. Not sure how true this is, or if it could be some isolated incident. May be the smell of Indian spices from desi food linger on us much longer than it should, or some other issues…., Or, may be white women are attracted to certain male odor that we – most Indians – lack. In any case, use your own judgment at personal level, and if in doubt, make a trip to the supermarket and buy some new colognes; and buy it from a white sales clerk, just to be sure.
5. Not well kept: Need a haircut, dressing up poorly, nails and hands not taken care of, worn-out shoes, same pair of pants every day….well, you got the idea. Taking care of overall appearance may be something worth looking into. Now, this could apply to everybody, not just Indians, but it is human nature – to assume and stereotype. So, investing in a full size mirror may not be a bad idea, the second opinion matters, even from our own eyes.
6. The language barrier:The Language barrier could be a problem if you are born and raised in India. The Indian accent – some call it ‘thick accent’ – is hard to understand if you are not used to it. So, keep that in mind. Also, even if you have no accent, the Hinglish – the English we speak back home - can play its havoc some times. A friend once shared this story:
A desi guy met a white girl and when they were about to depart in the evening, he told her, “I will give you a ring”.
Well, she thought that he meant the actual ring, not the intended phone call!
7. Religion and family: The difference in religion, on top of a very different social structure, also has something to do with all this. Most Indians living abroad are Hindus or Sikhs and it may not go well with the Christian or Jewish religions. It is a common perception in America and Europe that most of the Indian guys are from a traditional Hindu family; and there is a great chance that even if he likes you, his family may not accept you. This perception – true or false – can certainly affect the viewpoint from the other side.
8. Too reserved and quiet: Here comes another stereotype, and may be true in some cases. The modernized women in general – white or not – like outgoing guys who are very social and extrovert. The common first impression of Indian men is quite the opposite; they are often considered to be quiet and reserved. One of the most popular topics among the visitors of this site is the tips on small talk; at least we know our weakness.
9. Mama’s Boy: It is a part of the Indian (and many other) cultures that guys stay with their family – with their parents, even after they are adult. Many cultures don’t understand this. This behavior can often be compared to one not being independent. The deduction may not be true because it is more of a cultural and family dynamics. However, it is true that some mothers pander to their son’s every need, and many women (white or not) may not like a man who is overly spoiled. The lack of privacy is another reason that many women may avoid a mama’s boy.
10. Self-doubt and over consciousness: We are our own worst enemy many times. It could very well be your attitude that is keeping the women away. Being overly conscious about the racial difference or such prejudice can create a constant self-doubt, and a lack of self-confidence when dealing with white women. After all, the world is what we perceive it to be.
The changing times ahead: It should be acknowledged that the social acceptance and multi-culture society is certainly gaining grounds with time. The progress may be slow, but it is there. You can find more and more inter-racial couples everywhere, and that applies to the Indians males and white females too.
By end of the day, this is just another social and cultural issue to a large extent – the Indians guys being not attractive for White women. And on top of all this, it is also an issue of personal preferences. Understanding the view-point of the other side can make a big difference, and it can also help in changing the perception.
So next time, you feel that you are being put-down for your ethnicity, it may not hurt to just ask. The reason could very well be, for example, that she prefers dark brown hair on a brown guy, and you happen to dye yours blonde!
For all this, you might think that Indian guys hate white women. As discussed in a separate post, it is quite the opposite – Indian/desi guys find white women more attractive!
- Indian/desi guys find white women more attractive!
- Many Indians abroad dating exclusively whites only!
- Common overseas myths and misconceptions about people from India
- Overseas perceptions about people from India
- Our Beliefs and the Outside World
- 30 tips on the art of small talk
- I am not racist, but my brain may be!
- Indian Beliefs or Perceptions of American and European Culture