The Indians Abroad

Active Listening: How to become a better listener

Listening skills are very critical for meaningful and fruitful communications. But it is easier said than done !

“Are you listening?”
We have heard this so many times growing up, many times form our teachers, more time from our parents and siblings. It sounds simple, but listening is not an easy skill to master. It takes patience to listen; it takes practice to be a good listener. It is human nature, we love talking more than listening.
Of course, this article is about active listening; not about random hearing, or casual listening- such as listening to our favorite music etc.

“Did you hear something?”
“Yes”
“What was it?”
“Somebody talking at the door”
“About what?”
“Don’t know”
“What you mean?”
“Oh, I didn’t pay attention; I wasn’t listening!”…

It takes conscious effort to be a good listener. It is commonly said that we become better listener with age. Now, lets us not wait on grey hair and beyond !

There are a few key things that we can proactively do to be better at listening:

Pay attention: Well, no surprises here. Paying attention to the speaker is first and foremost requirement. Lack of attention span is one of the biggest problems with poor listening. If we don’t make an effort, it is very common to drift into our own world, especially if the ‘talk’ or the topic is not of our interest.

Eye contact: The eye-contact helps with connecting to the person speaking. It helps understand where the speaker is coming from. The eye-contact also helps with improvement to attention span, and ’staying’ with the speaker.

Avoid distractions: Avoid any kinds of distractions. Loud noise in the back-ground, cell-phone ringing or someone else talking at the same time can easily affect the ability to listen to the intended conversation.

Avoid multi-tasking: Multi-tasking is another problem with listening. Trying to do too many things at the same time does not help. I am sure many of us can relate to this. This is one of the common mistake we make – having the self confidence (or over-confidence) that we can do other thing at the same time while listening.

Keep emotions in check: We often hear something like -’She was too upset to listen!’  Emotions like worry, fear, excitement or anger etc. can affect our ability to listen. The emotions are not easy to control all the time, but it certainly helps with listening if we can keep them in check.

Focus on contents:  Listen to the contents; understand what speaker is trying to communicate. There is always some small talk involved in any conversation or speech, pay attention to the subject or topic of discussion.

Respond: Responding to the speaker by nodding, smiling, or by making small comments builds a link between the listener and the speaker. It also helps with focus and better attention span.

Understand the language: Well, this one goes without saying. If we don’t understand or ‘fully understand’ the speaker’s language, we have a problem – the language barrier. Either find some other speaker (e.g. a translator), or find some other ways of communicating. If you can only partially understand the language, let the speaker know, so he/she can decide on the mode of communication.

Patience: Avoid finishing the sentences for the speaker, or interrupting with conclusions. Patience is a key requirement to become a good listener.

Avoid pre-judgment: A bias or prejudice can easily affect our ability to listen. Avoid deciding ahead of time about the speaker and his/her standpoint. Try to stay unbiased and ‘listen’!

Ask questions: Yes, it is not listening, but asking questions helps with listening. It helps with keeping the interest alive in the subject-matter or the contents.

Improving listening skills takes practice; becoming a good listerner requires patience. While an entertaining speaker or an intriguing topic always helps, listening does require the key attributes mentioned above. 
We all know the imprortancce of being a good listerner. So, let us pay attention next time when someone is making a point; it shows maturity, it shows respect. It also helps gain respect among our peers and colleagues.

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