The Indians Abroad

NRI marriages tips – Don’t get carried away with overseas marriages

“Now very often events are set up for photographers… The weddings are orchestrated about the photographers taking the picture, because if it hasn’t been photographed it doesn’t really exist.”~Elliott Erwitt

The main reason for so many problems with overseas marriages is that couples and the families are taking too much for granted – before and after the marriage. Here are some of the commonsense tips for marriages abroad:

Don’t rely on online services for matchmaking: While an online site could be a good place to see what people are looking or what is out there, don’t put you full faith into these online services. Take the profile info with a grain of salt; people tend to lie, it is a fact.

Do not marry to the NRI status: As I stated before in the problems with NRI marriages article, many of the families go for a wedding blindly just to marry to an NRI living overseas. The more important requirements of mutual compatibility are often overlooked. And, that’s where the problem really starts. Don’t marry to the NRI status, but to the person of YOUR choice.

Meet your future partners – in person, and for longer than over a cup of tea: The arranged marriages of 1950’s are so long gone. Get to know the other side as much as possible, at least until you feel comfortable with making your decision – one way or another.

Ask questions, lots of them: Ask lot more questions than we ask when buying a car or a cow. Try to understand what the side is looking for, and if it is matching with your own requirements.

Be honest and share your concerns and expectations:No body is perfect; nobody should be expected to be. Be open and honest about your concerns and shortcomings. Let them know your expectations about the future life together.

Verify independently the NRIs’ claims: In old days, I am told, families used to send someone to the future spouse’s village/town to inquire from the neighbors, to find out first-hand if the bride or groom is qualified for their loved one. While it is not possible to fly to the NRI’s adopted country, but there could be extended families or other ways to verify the claims from other side. Do proper due diligence to find out the reality as much as possible.

Only fools rush in, so don’t:Do not let anybody rush you in.  Yes, we know; all the NRIs get only a few weeks of vacation from their work.  However, this is no reason to commit to something half-heartedly. Marriage is one of the most important decisions of our adult life, make it wisely. One of the main problem with these NRI Marriages is the  fact that nobody is given enough time to see or tell the complete truth.

Do not rush to judgment: Lots of relations fail or start on a wrong foot due this wrong perceptions. Consider all facts before making a judgment call. Give the other side a chance to explain or clarify. Perfection is good, but rarely found.

Compromises are part of everyday life, marriage is no different: Adapting to the new circumstances is part of life. Make sure to understand the circumstances before the wedding.  Minimize the surprises as much as possible, before jumping in with both feet. Also, make sure that compromises you are expected to make are something that you can easily live with for the rest of your life.

Consider a love marriage or Semi-Arranged marriage: Get to know the other side. Give the relation some time to grow, may be into a friendship, before considering next step. In this day and age of home PCs and web-cams, even the long-distance communications are much easier. More and more couples are meeting at first and then getting married after they find each other to be a good match. A relation based on mutual understanding and love has much better chance of survival.

Walk away amicably, if things are not working your way: If there is no chemistry or in case of other conflicts that cannot be resolved, avoid further persuasions. In case of suspicions or if the other side is not forthcoming with all the information, walking away is probably the best thing to do.

Marriage is one of the most important steps in the adult life. It is a brand new start of a new life where everything is dramatically different. Consider everything carefully. Don’t use marriage as a passport to go overseas, there are other ways or other reasons to go abroad.

And ONLY after all the the right choices are made toward a happy day, start with your wedding planning. Oh, and make sure to find and hire the right entertainers for the wedding party extravaganzas.

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